. i . thought . it . was . a . bird . but . it . was . just . a . paper . bag .

Help, I have done it again...

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 06:07:13 GMT

I've hit that point where reading Sylvia Plath and Anne Sexton sounds like a good idea. Which means it's probably not...
Southern Comfort is comforting me tonight, as is Mr. André and his cold duck...
I think I've recently become high maintanance. Hrm. That's a scary thought... I'm weird maintenence when I'm low... *ponders*
Being a drunken poet is so 1960's, I know...but the 60's are back for 2007! Just ask In Touch magazine...

Think their style forecast will apply to me? Probably...not. Hmph.

Wed, 27 Dec 2006 06:18:49 GMT

I didn't even realize that people still used these things... Hrm.

Well...had a nice Christmas, which was amazing, considering I'm lonely as hell...which I just realized today. Not great.

Seriously, I really need a hug.

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 16:42:31 GMT

You Are 64% American

Most times you are proud to be an American.

Tue, 07 Jun 2005 04:11:56 GMT

Confused...very, very confused...

Why must everything get goofy all at once??

Update

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 01:24:51 GMT

Well, Steve and I got back together yesterday. Yep. Hence the flowers in the previous post.
At least I got to have some fun while I was single. Heh. :)

I'm happy to be back with him, though. :) Yay...I missed having a boyfriend...I missed having him.

Pictures!

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 00:53:17 GMT

Heather looking lovely at the playground! Dance, Heather, Dance!!! Smile! Olive Garden is our friend...woot! Okay, me playing with the camera... :) The roses Steve brought me last night... He better!!! :) No, they're pretty, though. And I'm happy. : D

Sun, 01 May 2005 16:36:40 GMT

I am kinda tired...and still sick.
Which sucks.

Okay, so I was falling asleep the other night and start writing a song in my head...had the first verse and chorus all figured out...started thinking "wow, I really should write this down...but I'm so tired..." so I kept going with it...and finally, I started over and realized I had forgotten the whole thing.

I hate that. It sucks. Get writers block for 101 years, then something good finally comes, and then it leaves. Never to be seen again...

So I'm bored now and lacking inspiration and...

I think it is time for me to go now.

Sat, 30 Apr 2005 00:49:16 GMT

'done wrong'

the wind is ruthless
the trees shake angry fingers at the sky
the people hunch their shoulders
hold their collars over their ears and run by
it's a cold rain
it's a hard rain
like the kind you find in songs
i guess that makes me the jerk with the heartache
here to sing to you about how i been done wrong

i am sitting, watching
out the window of the coffee shop
and i'm waiting, waiting
waiting for it to let up
i am rocking like a cradle
warming my hands with the cup in between
i am leaning over the table
holding my face over the steam

and before it gets so cold
that the rain turns to snow
there's just a couple things
i'd like to know

like how could you do nothing
and say, i'm doing my best
how could you take almost everything
and then come back for the rest
how could you beg me to stay
reach out your hands and plead
and then pack up your eyes and run away
as soon as i agreed

it just all slips
away so slowly
you don't even notice till you've lost a lot
i've been like one of those zombies
in vegas
pouring quarters into a slot
and now i'm tired
and i am broke
and i feel stupid and i feel used
and i'm at the end of my little rope
and i am swinging back and forth
about you

and before it gets so cold
that the rain turns to snow
there's just a couple things
i'd like to know

like how could you do nothing
and say, i'm doing my best
how could you take almost everything
and then come back for the rest
how could you beg me to stay
reach out your hands and plead
and then pack up your eyes and run away
as soon as i agreed

Sat, 30 Apr 2005 00:42:33 GMT

'Traffic'

this is the point

where the eye and I don't meet
this is the point
that spells defeat
i have watched your unlove
written like tabloids
i had to stumble on buying my food
there you were
unfolded in headlines and horror
i love all those bits of you
i love all those bits of you
on the hardwood floor
where the bird imitates our fighting
you put the golf show on
to avoid my crying
you cup your arm to care
where the hurt went in
and well, why does it hurt?
complications of leftover racisms
why does it hurt?
you start the road trip off with accusations
of why does it

feel like i've been run over in traffic
scratchin in the dust of someone's leavin
punches in my gut
oh look i'm bleeding
not for you, for me this time, this time
not for you, for me
this time

just for the record, there is no record
it's a problem
there is no "this is what you said"
that's already gone
all we have are our love
and our guts baby
all we have are our love
and our guts baby
they're all over the road

you don't know the difference
between anger and pissed off
one is doing and one is feeling
one is doing and one is feeling
and i'm feeling
i'm feeling

feels like i've been run over in traffic
scratchin at the dust of someone's leaving
punches in my gut
oh look i'm bleeding
not for you, for me this time, this time
not for you, for me
this time

i need to be healed
i need to be healed

just saying it does it
just smashing it crushes it
just loving it douses it

just saying it does it
just smashing it crushes it
just loving it douses it
just loving it douses it

feels like i been run over in traffic
scratching at the dust of someone leaving
punches in my gut
oh look- i'm bleeding
not for you, for me this time, this time
not for you, for me.
not for you, for me.

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 07:01:31 GMT

I can't believe I just did that...
Wow...haha.
(yes, Heather, I had to say that...lol)
:)

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 17:01:46 GMT

Another day...no dollar... :\

Oh well. Stupid snow. Did nothing but bitch about anything and everything yesterday...shitty day, really. Highlights were talking to Andy and Steve (called Steve at midnight 'cause I couldn't sleep...ended up talking for and hour and a half, which was nice...he asked me to dinner later on this week...hrm).

I'm bored. And I've got finals this week. I should probably check on dates and times, eh? And there's a huge ass paper to write...actually, three, if I plan on making up the ones I never turned in...oops? So, yeah... I guess I really should be studying and writing right now... ::shrugs::

So, yeah... I think that's my update. Strange, not so great weekend...the week seems to be starting a little bit better, though...

I don't know if I could handle another bad week... :(

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 17:28:08 GMT

Once I had, a little game
I liked to crawl back into my brain
I think you know the game I mean
I mean the game called 'go insane'
Now you should try this little game
Just close your eyes forget your name
Forget the world forget the people
And we'll erect a different steeple
This little game is fun to do
Just close your eyes no way to lose
And I'm right there I'm going too
Release control we're breaking thru

-Jim Morrison "Celebration of the Lizard King"

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 16:50:52 GMT

Well, Andy came up last night and hung out with me. Made me feel LOADS better. Thanks, hon! :)

And I'm doing better today. I don't forsee any random breakdowns. I went to therapy yesterday and cried it out for 45 minutes and realized that I'm not sad for the loss of a relationship (well, I am a bit...obviously...but that's not the end of the world), but I'm sad for losing HIM. As a friend, as anything. Steve, the lover, not as important as Steve, the friend.

Really, I could have random sex if I wanted. But I don't care to. That's not what it's about. It's about that level of connection...and yes, it is possible to have with people who are just friends, too. Honestly...how many people can I have a conversation with about the crystal structure of alloy steel? Yeah...that's what I thought. Haha.

Eh...I'm only 19. I've got decades ahead of me. Let's see where they take me... ;)

why does everyone fall out of love with me?

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 08:01:19 GMT

Guess who's newly single...
::cries::

Well, it'll be okay. I've had my heart broken before...it heals.
I just really don't know what to do with myself now.
I guess I just want someone to hold me and let me sob it out, then hand me a pint of Ben & Jerry's...

Yeah, that's definately what I want.

Who am I kidding...I want him.

But it's better this way. We still love each other, but what's the sense in staying with someone who isn't in love with me?

I just wish I could kill this lonely feeling...

Tue, 28 Dec 2004 14:24:59 GMT

Well, I think I can honestly say that this was the best Christmas ever. My dad was happy, my mum was in a good mood, I was with Steve, and it was just grand. :) Yay.

Other than that, I really don't have much to say... My, did I ever turn into a bore...

Thu, 09 Dec 2004 14:34:39 GMT

Wow...just looked at everyone's entries on my friends page...haven't been there in a LONG ass time... So much has happened!!! Hrm...

Sorry I disappeared, everybody... I didn't mean to. But, I guess I needed to. I'm around, if you want to talk to me, but unfortunately, I haven't exactly been in a mood to reach out to anyone else.

Yes, my depression is bad... It's December, remember? Haha. So, I'm sorry, everyone. ::hugs::

huh...been a while...

Thu, 09 Dec 2004 14:21:30 GMT

You know it's been ages since you updated your journal when you almost don't remember the password...almost being the key word...

So, yes, I am still alive. I do still walk this earth...albeit slowly, but I'm here.

I just finished the first of my three exams for the semester... I've got another at 3:30 today. And the last from 6-9 tomorrow evening. That one's gonna suck...talk about ruining one's Friday night.

All is well with the boy. Just thought I'd throw that in there. :)

Well, I do feel that I have said everything it is I need to say. Nothing much more to talk about, really... Other than I want Christmas to get here. I want presents, dammit!!!

Oh...I kind of want to give people shit too...hmph...

Tue, 09 Nov 2004 15:37:30 GMT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Tue, 02 Nov 2004 22:37:00 GMT

I VOTED!!! YAY!!! Haha. :)

Mon, 01 Nov 2004 17:29:50 GMT

I haven't had internet in a couple days...phones are down.
God, I love Goodrich... ::sigh::

I had the weekend from hell... ::shrugs:: Oh well. It's a new week. Funny, how one small, horrible event can make everything better. ::sigh:: So, the date has changed now. Oh well...

Anywho, back to work now. ::sigh::

♥

::sigh::

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 21:31:47 GMT

I've had a really rough past few days. But I'm still here.
::sigh::

I only hope that this gets easier with time...

♥

Mon, 25 Oct 2004 22:43:18 GMT

The Beverly Hillbillies, take one...

♥

Sun, 24 Oct 2004 16:47:28 GMT

I love sleeping for almost half an hour before working a 5am shift.

Awesome. :)

♥

Sat, 23 Oct 2004 18:13:56 GMT

Hrm...okay, now that Daren's got me playing with kids names, here are the ones I've come up with...

Gwendolyn Isobel (had that picked out since I was young)
Adeline Mae
Travis Benjamin
Ethan Michael

:D Steve and I have already talked about the girl's names, so, yay...haha. :D I'm all excited...

I was looking at wedding dresses the other day, too...

God, I can't wait...

Sat, 23 Oct 2004 04:51:21 GMT

I need Jared to make me a fake...

ASAP

♥